Ah, the holidays. A magical time filled with twinkling lights, sugar-laden cookies, jagermeister, schnapps and enough peppermint-scented candles to fumigate a small town. But with all this holiday cheer comes one of the season’s biggest hazards: the dreaded Holiday DUI. The kind that will land you in a cop car or hospital; I’m talking about Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol During the Holidays. While nothing is funny about the real danger posed by a DUI driver, maybe exploring some of the additional factors making driving under the influence even more dangerous during the holiday season will encourage using a ride-share to get home instead of a squad car or ambulance. Let’s explore some of the added dangers:
1. Driving Under the Influence of Holiday Music
Sure, it starts harmlessly enough with a couple “double” spongebobs on the rocks, shaken not stirred, after work. You’re cruising along, listening to Mariah Carey belt out All I Want for Christmas Is You. Before you know it, you’re harmonizing like you’re auditioning for The Voice. Add a spirited dashboard drumming session during Little Drummer Boy and you’ve run three red lights and missed your turn entirely. Santa’s watching—and he’s shaking his head, then on go the festive Christmas red and white wig wags and it’s not Santa.
2. Frosty Windshields and Frostier Temperaments
You’ve got the defrost and heat on high, the windows are stilled fogged up from the cold. Running late, you peer through a tiny peephole in the windshield as it begins to defrost. A couple of drinks earlier and you have the confidence, maybe not the reflexes or judgment, that “I can totally drive like this.” Spoiler alert: you can’t. Nothing screams “holiday spirit” and I’d like a room at the Gray Bar Hotel like merging lanes based on vibes alone.
3. Rudolph Syndrome: Driving with Blinding Holiday Decorations
You have decked out your SUV with enough lights to rival the Vegas Strip. Great to drive to all the Christmas parties and toast the Holidays. Cute? Yes. Safe? Debatable. Your SUV—complete with antlers, a red nose, and a lit-up wreath on the back—has officially turned into a rolling weaving Christmas float, screaming “PULL ME OVER, I’M WASTED.” One second, you’re enjoying the ride, and the next, you’re singing Christmas Carols to the dispatch radio in the back of a squad car. “Tis the season”, indeed.
4. Sugar Crash Road Rage
You’ve been pounding Christmas cookies like a competitive eater at an all-you-can-eat gingerbread buffet and washing them down with “Tom and Jerry” Christmas Nog. But by the time you hit the road, the sugar high is gone and the alcohol takes over. Now, every slow driver feels like a personal attack, and if one more person cuts you off. Your reflexes have slowed and judgment is impaired, but the road through beer goggles becomes the Indy 500—you’ll show them—Parnelli Jones and Mario Andretti, (Boomers reference) have nothing on you. Nothing says “Christmas feast” like “B-O-L-O-G-N-A with your Celly. Enjoy 🙂
5. Parking Lot Purgatory
Holiday shopping means one thing: combat parking. Nothing like a little holiday “cheer” before Christmas shopping. You’re doing laps around the mall parking lot, stalking shoppers as they head to their cars. The tension builds as another car swoops in to steal the spot you waited for 20 minutes. Congrats, buddy—you’re ready to wrap their car in tinsel and leave it under a pine tree. Your Christmas joy has turned to road rage and you are about to buy yourself a one-way ticket to the Naughty List and a FREE booking photo with Santa.
6. Eggnog Goggles
No, one eggnog doesn’t make you legally impaired (usually), but let’s be real: after one cup too many of Christmas cheer, you’re navigating your neighborhood like it’s a Christmas maze. Throw in some poorly marked inflatable reindeer displays, and suddenly you’re lost in a winter wonderland…literally. Don’t worry, you get a phone call in Holding.
7. Holiday Distraction Disorder
After a few Christmas beers with your buddies, driving home while mentally revising your Christmas gift list and trying to decode a festive playlist that inexplicably includes Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, you’re barely able to pay attention to the road. It’s a miracle you made it to the driveway without decking someone’s halls and even more of a miracle if you make it home without being stopped by the Christmas elves in the black and whites. Merry Christmas.
The holidays are chaotic, magical, and dangerous if you drive under the influence. So, whether you’re navigating foggy roads, dodging carolers, or avoiding the guy with reindeer ears on his minivan, drive safe out there, and remember a ride-share service or designated driver is a lot cheaper and safer for everyone. No one wants to spend Christmas explaining to their celly or insurance company why they rear-ended a snowman. Cheers!
