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Christoph Law Offices, DUI & Criminal Defense
Christoph Law Offices, DUI & Criminal Defense

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Attorneys William R. Christoph & Nicholas W. Christoph

DUI Arrests: A Comedy of Errors (and Bad Decisions)

by | Dec 7, 2023

DUI is a serious offense and can have tragic consequences and this blog is not intended to downplay its seriousness. Looking at DUI arrests can be a humorous romp through the land of bad decisions, sobriety tests that rival a circus act, and a chance to make memories you’ll never remember. Okay, maybe “hilarious” isn’t the best word to describe it, but sometimes, you just have to find humor in life’s darkest moments. As we embark on a journey through the world of DUI arrests, where stupidity meets the long arm of the law.

  1. The “Stealthy” Drinker: Imagine this: you’re pulled over for swerving erratically on the road. The officer approaches your car and is instantly hit by an overwhelming aroma of alcohol. You attempt to explain that you only had one beer hours ago, but the empty six-pack on your passenger seat disagrees. Apparently, the “stealthy” drinker left their subtlety at the bar.
  2. The Walking Wobble: Field sobriety tests – the bread and butter of any DUI arrest. Picture a person trying to walk in a straight line with the grace of a newborn giraffe on roller skates. The line is crooked, their balance is non-existent, and their dignity takes a nosedive. It’s a comedy show that even Charlie Chaplin would appreciate.
  3. The Alphabet Song Remix: Reciting the alphabet is a popular sobriety test. However, it seems that many intoxicated individuals take this opportunity to unleash their inner DJ and create a new and never-before-heard remix of the alphabet. “A,D B… now let me see… Q, S, M…” Yep, they’re as confused as you are.
  4. The Failed Breathalyzer Encore: After attempting the field sobriety tests, it’s time for the pièce de résistance: the breathalyzer. But instead of blowing gently into the device, some folks decide to treat it like a trumpet solo in a rock concert. They blow, they puff, and they give it their all – only to be met with an ear-piercing BEEP and an “Uh, sir, you blew too hard.” There is also the “faux blow” which looks like a blow but no air comes out.
  5. The Inconvenient Wardrobe Malfunction: There’s always that one guy who gets arrested in the most impractical outfit, usually at Halloween.   Picture it: Slurring your words, dressed as a 6 foot pickle and trying to explain that you are not under the influence.
  6. The Accidental Joyride: Sometimes, the most entertaining DUI stories involve individuals who don’t even remember getting behind the wheel and fall asleep at a red light. “Wait, officer, you’re telling me I was driving? I thought I was parked.”
  7. Then there is the “Tourista”  – a young man who raced through the front gate of Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton with the police in pursuit and thought he was now safe in Mexico.

While DUI arrests are undoubtedly serious matters with potentially tragic consequences, they also provide us with moments of absurdity and, dare I say, comic relief. The lessons here are crystal clear: always choose a designated driver, know your limits, and, for the love of humor, try not to audition for the next season of “America’s Funniest DUI Arrests.” Stay safe, stay sober, and let’s leave the laughter for the comedy clubs, not the police station.

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